Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
He did a backflip because drugs
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
