I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
