Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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