just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
