Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
