I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
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