You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize