FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
