I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
