Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
