I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You're like the curious george of whores
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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