your thong is hanging out like whoa
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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