It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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