I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
