Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
My liver just broke up with me...
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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