Buhtt sex?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
