Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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