I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Randomize
