wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
