dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
