i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
