I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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