Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
