You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
