Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
