he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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