Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
