Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
