god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
