Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
