We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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