God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
