Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize