Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
