It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
