don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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