I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
