umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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