kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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