But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
