two words...techno handjob
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
