walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
