just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
