ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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