the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
