I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
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