Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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