I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
