If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you would pick up someone in the library
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
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