Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
