I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
