Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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