giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
