dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dick very happy bro
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
