people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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