your room smells of hookers.
And success
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
