I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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