I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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