Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
