You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
