I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
