We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize