Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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