I cannot find my penis.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
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