O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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