Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
