Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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