Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Apparently you make a good broom.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
