My underwear smells like fireworks.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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