Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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