I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
