1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Randomize
