Already got asked if we're dating
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
You can't motorboat a personality
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
