sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize
