I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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