im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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