What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
