nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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