Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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