I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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