i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
