so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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