dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize